You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
