We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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