Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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