Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
