I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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