I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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