I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
