ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
