i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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