so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
