I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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