If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
