I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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