there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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