She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
