I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
