finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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