Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
