WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Randomize
