you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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