question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
