he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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