I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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