Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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