He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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