return my video game
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
