Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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