Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
