I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
