Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
