There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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