Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
