ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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