Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
