he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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