My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
