I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do vagina's smell?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
