So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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