One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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