you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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