I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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