:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
