two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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