"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
