New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
