I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
