Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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