I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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