oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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