I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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